A few months ago I read a letter from a mother of a young son to her future daughter-in-law. As I read it, my heart broke. The mother was very clear that her future daughter-in-law would know her place, would never interfere between mother and son, and would always be second to her until the day she passed away.
That letter has randomly picked my thoughts since I read it. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I wanted to write my own letter. So here it is.
Dear Future Daughter-In-Law,
Selfishly, I hope we someday meet. I say selfishly because I want to be a “Grammie” someday. I want to hear the sound of little feet running through the house again. I want to hear giggles and babbling and “Grammie, Grampie, look what I can do!”
That’s only my selfish little reason though. The truth is, I know if my son meets you, falls in love with you, that he will someday love you more. I pray he loves you more. I pray he marries you wanting to provide for you, protect you, and love you with the sacrificial love of Christ. I pray he lifts you up above all other women and provides you Godly wisdom and counsel. I pray he never makes you feel “unworthy”, or “less than” because you are a woman. That instead, he will make you feel like the wonderful creation by God in which you are. A woman. Beautiful. Wonderful.
I pray in return you will love him more. More than your own parents. More than your friends. More than any children you may have. I pray you will love him with a tender compassionate love. Lifting him above all other men. That you will want to be his helpmate, his partner, his prayer warrior.
I promise his father and I will continue to do our best to raise him in the way he should go. To teach him compassion and mercy. To teach him his strengths and how to honor God and you with them. To teach him self-control, kindness, patience, and most importantly love.
I also promise his father and I will continue to learn how to love one another more. To show him God’s design for marriage. Union. Oneness. I pray your parents are doing the same. Teaching you the awe and wonder and beauty of marriage. I pray God’s grace will cover both you and our son for the shortcomings of parents. We will promise to teach him all we can while he is with us, however, we won’t always be perfect. I’m sure he will share stories with you about our imperfections. I pray they are few.
I pray you know the Lord. I pray you know Him and love Him more than my son. I pray my son loves the Lord more than you. I pray the love you both have for our Savior will bind you stronger to one another. Because storms will arise. Pain will come. There will be arguments and hurt feelings and words said you wish you could take back. It happens to us all. Remember, there is forgiveness. We promise to teach him about forgiveness, to teach him to not hold onto grudges, to teach him confession and repentance and reconciliation. We promise to be here for you both. To take no one’s side except for God’s side. To always speak truth to you, pray with you, and share whatever life experience we have with you. Please understand, when we feel you are in error we will honestly and gently and lovingly explain why. Know that we will continue to do the same with our son.
We will strive to not interfere and respect your decisions if you become parents. If you don’t want your children drinking soda, we promise to not sneak it to them when you aren’t around. We will honor our relationship with you with integrity and trust and love. Our grandchildren will know there are no secrets from mommy or daddy. We will not go out of our way to undermine you or spoil them in ways you disagree with. Although, I selfishly ask you let us spoil them sometimes in ways you approve of, as reward for raising our son.
Understanding you have parents too, praying that you have parents you are close with and love dearly, we will never expect you to spend every holiday with us. We will ask that we get every other if it’s possible. If distance separates us we promise to not always expect you to come to us. We will come to you as well. If we all live close enough together we will gladly share holidays as one huge family. We promise to be kind and respectful of your parents. We would enjoy getting to know them and sharing life with them.
If your parents have already passed on from this life, or if you have pain with them, we promise to be understanding of that. To pray with you about it, to love you, and to welcome you always with open arms. To love you as a daughter. We will never replace your parents and we would never want to, however, we would love to be an addition. We want you to be comfortable enough to call us whenever you have a need. To come and spend evenings of laughter and card games. To take family vacations together. To know you are loved and cherished as our daughter in law.
We promise to remember your birthday. We promise to help you move when you need to move. To help give you a break by watching the children so you and our son can spend the precious needed time together as husband and wife. I pray the two of you never stop dating. We promise to live out this example for him.
I hope you and I can be close friends. Share coffee. Lunches. Trips. Prayers. Studies. Recipes. Dreams. Hopes. Praises. I hope we can enjoy our times together as mother- and daughter-in-law. I hope you never feel threatened by me. I hope you never feel undermined by me. I hope you never feel inferior to me. I promise to never do anything intentional to make you feel that way. I pray our communication with one another will always be open and honest so we can encourage and uplift one another as women. As you and my son create your own family traditions, I hope we can be apart of them as well. We hope you will always be a part of ours.
I pray the Lord is watching over you right now. Protecting you. Loving you. You may be a young girl. A woman-child. If so, these next few years are hard ones. I remember. We are watching our son go through them. We promise to help him as best we can to navigate these rough waters so he comes out the other side not weighed down by past mistakes. I pray you have someone in your life right now who is doing the same for you. Someone you can come home to and cry on their shoulder when you’ve had a bad day. I pray you have a warm home, a safe place, and that you are learning Jesus is always a safe resting place. I pray you laugh often. I pray you look in the mirror and see the beauty the Lord gave you. That the pressures of the world’s beauty do not hurt you. I pray if these next few years are hard for you, that you will come to know His Grace. I pray if you make some mistakes, you will not lose hope. That no matter what, you are never alone, for you know He is always with you and I pray that He sends His people to always be with you too.
I don’t know when we’ll meet you. I pray someday we meet you. I pray long healthy happy lives for both you and our son. I pray we come to know you. I pray we watch your father give you away on your wedding day. I pray we sit, probably bawling our eyes out from happiness, watching the look of awe, wonder, and love in our son’s eyes as he takes your hand to be his wife.
So, until I meet you, whoever or where-ever you may be, I will pray for you. I will pray for you after I meet you. We promise, his father and I, to always pray for you both for as long as we are here. To love you both. To help you both in whatever ways we can. Because someday, he’ll love you more. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. That is what will bring the most joy to this mother’s heart, is for my son to love you more.
In Love & Faith,