I’m still in my PJ’s. In theory I would have left well over an hour ago, dressed in “business casual” to make it to work by 8am. Hair done, make up done, high heel shoes. This morning I have been walking around in flip flops.
While normally this would be exciting because it would be a “day off”, today is my first day in my new office. My home office.
Of course on my first week of this new adventure my son starts one of his summer camps. I’m finally home and he’s not.
My biggest goal is to not panic in the quiet. All night last night my dreams were about work. About reporting that needed to be done, writing up monthly evaluations, etc. I woke up this morning and realized I wasn’t going to be doing any of those things. *Gulp*
Why the gulping you may ask? That’s honestly a tough question to answer. I’ve used work as an escape for awhile now. An escape for everything and anything eating away at me. It’s also been the place I’ve found my “self-worth”. Going in, doing a good job, doing a great job, being able to lead, to teach, to face daily challenges and solve problems. That’s where I find my self-worth. That I’m good enough, smart enough. I also resigned without a notice. I had to due to the circumstances, and I don’t regret doing it because of the circumstances, at the same time though, guilt sneaks in over it.
And then there is the new journey. Homemaker.
Honestly, I don’t even really know what that means.
For wives who stay home and have young children at home with them, or who are homeschooling, I guess I can understand what they are doing. I don’t however. I’m not homeschooling, my son isn’t even here this week.
First two weeks on the new job, I’m already looking around and feeling panic.
So, I do what I always do. Sit down and try to think of my plan.
First things first. What made me successful as “Career Woman”?
I was organized. Kept an ongoing to-do list and referred to it frequently. Started and ended each day going over the list.
OK then. Let’s make this list.
I have my list. I have my starting point. And honestly, it’s actually nice to have a little fun with it, being myself and not worrying about the “perception” of what others would think if I put dragonfly stickers on my book.
I think they look pretty spiffy myself.
I’m sure it’ll take time for me to feel like I’m excelling at my new role. I can handle it though. Got some Deadliest Catch running in the background for some noise. About to finish up my second cup of coffee. Finally feeling awake. Starting to feel the dread wash away and some excitement coming in. Let’s see if I can knock out this list. Maybe come up with some more ideas.
Day one is pretty boring, mostly because I have no idea what this is really all about yet. HA.
Guess I’ll figure it out as I go.