I was cleaning yesterday and as I was cleaning my thoughts began to fall into the “rambling spiderwebs” pattern, only this time with a very clear center point.
It started with a memory.
Several months ago my son and I were driving somewhere, probably to the grocery store based on the road we were on. Anyway, it was raining. I mean, RAINING. The kind of rain that makes all windshield wipers look horrifically man-made in comparison to the Almighty’s downpour of water.
I hate driving in rain like that. Feeling like I can barely see as the road twists and turns ahead of me, cringing every time we hit a large puddle of water. I hear the deafening “woosh” under and up the side of the car and I have this panic, this fear that we will hydroplane into a tree.
The end result is that I sit a little higher in the seat, turn the radio down a little lower, and grasp the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles whiten under the tension.
As I was driving, feeling the tension throughout my body, silently pleading with the Lord to stop the rain, I happened to take a quick peek into the back seat where my son was.
To my surprise, he was completely oblivious to everything. He was staring out the window, day dreaming. No look of worry, no look of concern. In fact, he stretched a little, yawned, and went back to gazing at the scenery we were passing by.
My thoughts are that my son has faith, TRUSTS, that I am going to safely get us to where ever we are going. He has never experienced a car accident, or yet had a friend or family member experience one that would cause him fear, or pain. He doesn’t know how to drive, so he doesn’t know what to look for, what would be considered safe vs. unsafe driving conditions.
He is simply obedient. Getting in the car when I tell him we are going grocery shopping, and then trusting me to take him. I may stop at a gas station along the way. Take a different route than what he’s accustomed too. It could spark a question such as “Can I buy a slushie?” or “I thought you said we were going to the grocery store?”. He doesn’t get out of the car though. He simply continues to obey, trusting that I will get him to the destination we are ultimately meant to get to.
Why can’t I have faith like that?
To simply obey God to take me where He is going to take me. To go even if the path looks unfamiliar, or we make a bunch of unexpected stops along the way. To trust that He will ultimately lead me to the destination, regardless of rain, snow, or wind.
I think it’s because, along the way, I became disillusioned.
I learned how to drive a car, therefore, I became disillusioned believing that I now had “control”.
I realized as I drove that sometimes it’s scary, or hard, or dangerous, and I became disillusioned that I needed to worry about these things because my worrying would prevent them from happening.
The more disillusioned I became at believing I had control and believing my worry would prevent bad things from happening, the less I trusted God.
Instead of looking out the window and enjoying the scenery of my life, I was grasping hold of a wheel He already had a hold of, thinking that I would, or needed to, control it more than He.
When He wanted to stop for gas, I was shoving my foot down on the pedal to try and make it to the next station.
When He wanted to take a different route, I was straining to turn the wheel the opposite direction.
When He wanted to keep going, I was slamming on the breaks, afraid of the terrain and hectically coming to a complete stop in the middle of no where.
When my spiritual vehicle spun out of control because of my disobedience, I was again disillusioned, believing it was spinning out of control because I needed to grasp the wheel harder, push the pedal further, and worry about the next spin out a little more.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. ~Proverbs 3:5
We live by faith, not by sight. ~2 Corinthians 5:7
And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. ~Matthew 18:3
My son is not so little anymore and it breaks my heart to see the world chipping away a little more every year at his innocence. Yet, is that not what happened to me? Have I not allowed myself to be chipped away, disillusioned, and forgotten the need to fall at the cross for renewal and transformation daily?
I want to have Faith like that.
The Faith that Trusts in the Lord.
The Faith that Obeys the Lord.
I need to
loosen let go of my grip on my life.
I need to obey my Father.
Get in the car.
Trust where ever He takes me,
however He decides to get us there,
arriving whenever He has already perfectly planned for us to arrive.
And enjoy the scenery He has created and blessed me with along the way.
In Love & Faith,