I sat in a semi-circle of women whom I have grown greatly fond of.
This particular night however, my heart was heavy.
I found my attention distracted. My thoughts wondering.
My spirit was distressed, overwhelmed, hurt, and frustrated.
I sat there silently.
I wanted to speak. I wanted to share.
And I didn’t want to.
Because sometimes transparency is only appropriate to a point.
Sometimes transparency is difficult.
The loneliness of wrestling with fear and hurt in silence is more difficult.
A place I’ve lived in already.
Tentatively I raised my hand.
I whispered my silent prayer to the Lord for help to be transparent.
To be transparent without betraying the trust of those I love,
stumbling into gossip,
or losing my integrity.
To be Faithfully transparent with the purpose of seeking encouragement.
Seeking Godly wisdom from these women in my time of difficulty.
And so I spoke my semi-transparent words,
and the build up of the swirling emotions within began to trickle from my eyes.
A kind hand gave me a tissue.
Semi-transparent words spoken,
I returned to my silence.
The room did not stay silent.
The room filled with the voices of love and encouragement.
Voices of women who let me know that I was not alone.
My struggles were familiar.
My emotions were understood.
And these beautiful voices said things that made me breath deeply.
Things that made me realize blessings I was forgetting.
The blessing of a Godly husband.
The blessing of a marriage where both spouses are actively seeking God.
The blessing of being a mother, of a son.
And the all important reminder that nothing is impossible with God.
That the comfort, strength, and hope I needed could all be found in Jesus.
I left that night feeling encouraged.
The despair had the light of hope shone on it.
The stress was relieved with truth.
It would be a few more days still before my conflict, my trial, was over.
Praise be to God for it’s blessed resolution.
Praise be to God for the Godly women He has brought into my life this year.
He has proven to me over and over again that it is only when we are broken that he can rebuild us.
It is the rebuilding that we need.
There are trials, difficult days we face that break our hearts.
Remember that He is Sovereign.
He is Lord of Lords and King of Kings and nothing happens without His permission.
We may not always understand why.
We may never understand why.
However, He will rebuild us as we turn to Him.
We will be changed, and that change will be a Blessing.
Remember, He also gave us one another, brothers and sisters in Christ so that we may be encouraged and lifted up in accountability. To help point each other back to the cross when the weight of our lives feels overwhelming.
I heard the following song earlier this week.
I found the lyrics to be utterly amazing.
Maybe because I was just there.
Either way, I end today’s post sharing the song.
My hope is that if you are going through a struggle right now,
you would find a trusted brother or sister to be a little transparent with.
Pray with them. Pray alone. Be comforted and know He has a plan, even if you don’t yet understand it.
In Love & Faith,