Last week I started the latest Proverbs 31 Ministries Online Bible Study, “What Happens When Women Walk In Faith” written by Lysa TerKeurst. I’m going to be blogging through this study as a way to share and process what the Lord is laying on my heart.
Last week we read part one of the book: Leaving.
A Line In The Sand. When I first read this chapter I wasn’t ready. I shared with my small group the truth that if I “drew a line” I was confessing I needed to leave something behind. Putting a name to it means no longer being able to hide in ignorance or deception or whatever darkness I’m attempting to hide in. When we intentionally hold tightly to something God is telling us to let go of, what we are really holding onto is darkness.
It’s been a hard winter. I’ve been struggling.
It hasn’t all been bad. I’ve got fantastic friends, fantastic family, and lots of love. It’s just, I haven’t been fully honest with myself until recently at just how much I’ve been struggling.
Last Thursday we went to a concert in Presque Isle. I got to go swimming. Something about swimming in a pool just soothed my soul in a way I can’t even put into words. Something about a little road trip with my family was refreshing.
And the concert? It was Rock City Fest. It was a fantastic. Kevin of Disciple at one point told everyone to make a fist, and whatever was between us and Jesus, to hold it tightly, as tightly as we could. Then they performed “Yesterday is Over“….and at this point in the song, he had everyone raise their fist and open their hands…..
“Yeah you hold on to everything, open up your hands, and let go of whats behind you, the past can’t hurt you anymore, or keep you on the ground, will you let this be the moment, that you let go of yourself, let His love hold onto you.” – Disciple, Yesterday is Over
Sitting in the front row, watching the people in front of me, fists raised high in the air. Something about seeing all those fists open up, lifted towards the heavens, it was a visual of “Free”.
The Lord kept speaking to me.
Text messages from a woman at church touched my heart and blessed me.
A conversation with a friend who took time to just listen to me, and then encouraged me to look up scriptures about God changing the heart rang in my ears. Spending quality fun time with my husband and just being together embraced my heart.
Now that I think of it, I see so many ways the Lord has been reaching out to me this week.
Then Sunday my heart mourned the news that a distant Aunt of mine, a woman who showed me Jesus in her kindness, had gone to be with Him.
I allowed myself Sunday to be still. Quiet. It was in the stillness and quiet healing started deep down.
This morning I finished reading week one, writing in my journal, and looking up the scriptures to pray over. I got caught up on the study blog and watched a video (click here to watch) from last week. This part of the conversation really stuck out to me…
“You have to draw a line in the sand and determine that in order to move ahead you gotta leave some things behind.” ~Lysa TerKeurst
“I’m a visual person, so I’m not kidding, I took a chalk out in my driveway and I drew a line so that when I would walk out of my house and walk into my house I would remember I had drawn a line. Sometimes I hated that line, but ultimately I love that line and I’m thankful for it.” ~Melissa Taylor
“We gotta think long term with this stepping out in faith, thinking long term, because it may not feel good today….” ~Lysa TerKeurst
I know my line.
My line is to leave my fears, my anxiety, my depression over things I can’t change, behind.
To trust I am where God wants me to be. To trust He is in control. To trust in Jesus, I can dream, I can hope, I have purpose to bring Him Glory.
Something else in this same chapter. One of the exercises was to look up the meaning of our name and write it down, then find a Bible verse that correlates with the meaning of our name.
It only took a few “meaning of names” websites to realize there is no “official” meaning for the name RaZella.
I stared at my blank journal, feeling empty and blank and “meaningless”.
I put my pen to my paper and wrote “my name has no meaning. = so I must find my identity in Christ. He gives me my meaning, He’s left me no other choice.”
I must confess, that was the best meaning I could have found for my name. God knows it’s the meaning I most desperately need.