Sometimes, A Mom Just Knows

Sometimes, A Mom Just Knows

There are times when a mom just knows.
She knows for example, when you are sneaking extra cookies.
She knows when you didn’t fold your socks.
She knows when something is bothering you, and it hurts on the inside.
Sometimes a mom just knows.

There are other times when a mom doesn’t know.
Times when her heart cries out, desperately seeking to know.
Times her fears attempt to drown her, because she does not know.
Times she falls on her knees because she has no other way to know.
There are times when a mom just doesn’t know.

And yes,
There are times when a mom makes mistakes.
Huge mistakes.
Catastrophic mistakes.
The kind of mistakes that her children will always know.
As will she.

A mother’s life is a path, a road of what she knows..
and what she doesn’t know…
and what she desperately wants to know.
and what she desperately wishes she did not know…

And in all that knowing and not knowing,
there are times,
precious,
simplistic,
little times,
when a mom just wants to call her mom,
and tell her,
all about what she knows,
and doesn’t know,
and wants to know,
and doesn’t want to know.

And then she cries.
A little.
Maybe a lot.

And the beautiful thing,
The really amazing and beautiful thing,
is that her mom,
(you see, my mom)
she’s already been there,
she already knows.

And she lets me cry.
And she makes me laugh.
And she pours out enough love to overflow,
because you see,
she is a mother to a mom.
And sometimes,
A mom just knows.

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In The Quiet

It’s been a few weeks, however, I am excited to participate in FIVE MINUTE FRIDAY!!!!! ^_^
Do you love to write? Are you needing some inspiration? Wanna know what Five Minute Friday is all about? Check it out by clicking the thumbnail below!

Today’s Five Minute Friday Word: STAY

In The Quiet

The last of the smoke twirls into the air,
leaving behind a sweet fragrance that  will linger
for several hours more.

“Stay

It is not a whisper, it is not a command.
It’s a request.

Suddenly, the sounds of the world around me begin to come back into focus.
I make the mistake of looking up,
and see the clock.
I try to look away from it,
yet the “tick, tock, tick, tock” begins to break into my thoughts.

Stay

I bow my head down further,
I am hungry.
A hunger I haven’t felt in weeks.
A deep hunger now spurred on by food.
These morsels of delicious, life sustaining words.
I crave more, I need more.

Stay

The sound of the clock becomes louder.
The incense has burned all the way down.
There is nothing left but ash.
The offering has been made.

Stay

Then words begin to sound from across the room.
Voices begin to filter into the quiet.
In what almost feels like defeat,
I lift my head.

From this quiet time.
This deliciously, wonderful, quiet time.
With this book.
And these verses.
And His love.
This quiet time that outlasted the burning incense.
The quiet time that outlasted the allotted time I set aside for it.
The quiet time that I have missed in recent weeks,
and did not realize,
until this moment,
how much I missed it.

Then again, I hear my urgent whisper,

Stay“.

I am not ready for this quiet time to end.
I am not ready to stand and face the noise of the world.
I am not ready to leave the safe haven of Him.

And before I can whisper the word once more,
He says to me,

Go, and know, I am with you Always.”

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Five Minute Friday: To See, To Look

It Is Friday Again, time for my moment of poetic creative thought inspired by Five Minute Friday! First: The Rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..
OK, are you ready? Please give us your best five minutes on::: Look

Ready. Set. GO

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To See, To Look

I wear contacts, or glasses.
Often, contacts instead of glasses.
Because of my nose.
I think glasses make my nose look bigger than what it already looks.
So yea, contacts.

I wear contacts so that I can see.
That I can look and see and function as a part of society.

But do I really see?

I see the glow from the computer screen.
I see the status messages,
the instagram pictures,
the twitter feeds.

But do I really see?

I see the dirty dishes in the kitchen.
The stack of bills on the table.
I see the stain on my shirt,
the rip in my jeans.

But do I really see?

So I stop.
I breathe.
I LOOK.

I see the smile on my son’s face as he wakes up and sees me home.
He hugs me.
He showers me in love for all of two minutes,
two precious minutes from an 11 year old boy.

I LOOK.

I see my husband with appreciation fixing my coffee this morning.
I see with loving hands, he pours my cup,
adds some cream,
and brings it to me.
Appreciation because he knows this morning I am tired.
Hormonal.
And so he pours his love on me,
with a soft touch by his hand on my hair,
and his gentle service at serving my morning coffee.

I LOOK.

I see the beauty of God’s creation this morning as I drive to the chiropractor.
I see the sun, barley risen,
rays darting from between clouds.
I see colors that my camera simply cannot capture.
Colors of pinks, golds, reds.
I see these miraculous rays of light hit the tops of the trees,
and the orange leaves explode with early morning color.
The sky crisp.
The air crisp.

I LOOK.
I SEE.

I wear contacts to see.
The Holy Spirit in my heart allows me to LOOK.

STOP

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Five Minute Friday: Being Knitted

It is Saturday. That Means that I’m a little late this week for Five Minute Friday.
HOWEVER, I AM STILL GOING TO DO IT FRIENDS! First: The Rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..
OK, are you ready? Please give us your best five minutes on::: Race
Ready.Set.GO.

Being Knitted

I pull the needle through again.
Knit, Purl, Knit, Purl.
Over and over, the pattern remains.
It changes by row,
Yet stays the same.
It is the quiet to the “race” in my mind.
To the race of “what if’s” and “when’s”.
It is the focus on,
knit,
purl,
knit,
purl.

Knitting was always intriguing to me.
Something about taking the yarn,
and weaving it into something beautiful.
Soft to the touch,
warm on the skin,
inside the pattern lays the labor of hands,
hands focused on the
knit,
purl,
knit,
purl.

I realized there is something that calms me here,
when I watch this yarn weave itself.
There is a strength to it.
A beauty to it.
A strength and beauty not found in the yarn,
It is found in the weaving of the yarn.
Not in the race of the world,
it is found in the weaving of the yarn.

The race of my mind is quieted.
My focus is caught.

And I wonder,
Am I being woven like this?

Is my Father taking all of my different parts,
and weaving me beautifully?
Into something that has strength,
something that has beauty?

I believe He is.

I believe He is because I can feel it.
The tautness in the growth.
I can feel when I pull.
I can feel when I allow myself to bend.
To pull through.
To cast over.
To slip,
to knit,
purl,
knit,
purl.

I can feel His hands working on my soul.
And I find peace here.
Peace from the race of the world.
The race of my thoughts.

I pull the needle through again.
And find peace in the race,
because I find Him in my soul.

Stop

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Five Minute Friday: Welcome to Our Home

It is Friday. That Means Five Minute Friday. WOOT WOOT. First: The Rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..
OK, are you ready? Please give us your best five minutes on::: Welcome

Ready.Set.GO.

Welcome Home

Hello.
Welcome to our home.

Please excuse any dirty dishes in the sink,
We eat here.
The dishwasher is full.
We chose to watch a movie together last night instead of doing more dishes.
It happens you know.

Please excuse the dog hair on the carpet.
The vacuum broke, we’ll fix it this weekend.
But we love our dog.
Even if he is huge and hairy and drooly.
So he comes and lays on the carpet,
leaving little pieces of himself behind everywhere.

Please too, excuse the books,
and notebooks and pens and pencils on the couch.
We study here.
We read our Bible’s here.
We do our school work here.
We have discussions here, meditations here, and prayer here.
Just move them over and join in.
It’s really OK.

Welcome to our home.

Our walls are painted loud colors.
Because we like color.
We like to express ourselves.
In colors.
And we are loud sometimes.
Loud in conversation. Loud in arguments. Loud in forgiveness. Loud in hugs.
And in laughter.
And in love.

So again, welcome to our home.
Our home with grass that needs to be trimmed a little.
Our home with pictures on the walls of our children.
Our home with movies, books, board games, and random objects.
Dragonflies, because I love them and collect them.

And when you stop by, unannounced,
it really is OK.
Because we don’t mind adding to our laughter.
Adding to our love.
It’s just that there may be crumbs on the table.
There may be papers scattered about.
The floor may not be swept.
The living room may not be organized.
Because we didn’t have those few minutes of warning,
To run and clean and focus and be neat.
We may have actually been in the middle of a tickle fight,
or trying to beat the next level of Mario together,
or playing a guitar,
or singing a song,
or dancing, very badly, yet very happily in the middle of the living room.

Welcome to our home.

It’s our home, because we live here.
We play here.
We love here.
We welcome one another home here.

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Five Minute Friday: Grasping Time

It is Friday. That Means Five Minute Friday. WOOT WOOT. First: The Rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..
OK, are you ready? Please give us your best five minutes on::: Grasp

Ready.Set.GO.

Grasp

Time.
I have difficulty grasping time.
Lay in bed,
thoughts begin.
Childhood. Teenage years. Choices.
Mistakes. Fights.
Trying so hard and feeling like such a failure.

Time.
It never slowed down for me.
Never stopped.
The more time kept going,
the more it seemed I was struggling to grasp.

Why?
Lay in bed, thoughts begin.
Deep sudden inhale of breath.
Stop the thoughts.
Get up. Get out.
Start this day.
My life.
This time.

This is the time that matters.
I move into the kitchen and see this manchild.
His hands used to fit inside of mine.
I used to kiss the bottoms of his feet.
He would see me, and without words, because he could not speak them,
He would run to me.
As fast as little chubby legs could carry him.
Run and grab me, look up at me, smiling.

Does he grasp it?
My love for him?
Will he lay awake in bed,
and find thoughts haunting him?
Will he look back as those early years,
when we were both children together,
mother and son, children together?
Will he have those thoughts he cannot grasp?
Those thoughts he cannot understand?

I look at him now, and again,
I cannot grasp time.
Little feet now bigger than mine.
Little hands now match mine.
Look, there it is,
he ran to the door when I came home after being away all weekend.
He ran into my arms and gave me a hug.
His head bumps against my head,
it hurts us both a little.
He laughs.
Silly man boy.
He forgets he’s grown so much.
Smiles at me, tells me he loves me.
Does he grasp this love I have for him?
This mothers love?
Does he grasp his father’s love for him?
I see this man boy, looking at my husband.
Looking at him to teach him how to be a man.
And my heart quickens at the thought that in time,
he will be a man.

Time.
I simply cannot grasp time.
Some nights I simply find comfort,
falling into the promise of eternity.
And then I realize,
Maybe this is why I don’t need to “grasp” time.
I just need to grasp love.

Grasping Love

STOP.

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Five Minute Friday: Deep and Wide

It is Friday. That Means Five Minute Friday. WOOT WOOT. First: The Rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..
OK, are you ready? Please give us your best five minutes on::: Wide

Deep and Wide

The World is full of broken people.
And I am one of them.
The stories of the broken are deep and wide.
Deep and wide.
And the pain of the broken, their sorrow, their hurt,
It is also,
Deep and Wide.

The World is full of broken people.
And I am one of them.
Sometimes I start to remember, to reflect,
so far back,
and then come the tears.
Tears that are full of depth and width.
Another layer is uncovered,
A layer of hurt, anger, fear, frustration,
pain.

The World is full of broken people.
And I am one of them.
I turn to the wall.
Smiles.
In picture frames.
I used to hang picture frames, with no pictures in them.
Because someday, someday I wanted a family, a big family, to fill those pictures.
And I look at the wall,
The Width of this wall,
And see pictures, with smiles,
Smiles with depth.

The World is full of broken people.
And I am one of them.
In the depth and width of pain,
there is healing.
There is a fountain I remember,
as a child,
standing among children,
no mother, my father not yet there,
Yet my grandmother,
There she is in the crowd,
Watching,
Full of love,
Love that is deep and wide,
as my hands move to the song,
“There is a fountain flowing Deep and Wide”.

The world is full of broken people.
And I was one of them.
I went to the fountain.
To the fountain of the one who knows the broken,
and calls their name.
And I drink.
I drink and do not stop,
And neither does the fountain stop flowing,
This fountain,
That is deep and wide.
And I look in the depth of my life,
In the width of my life,
And now,
I see Love.

And I Drink from the Fountain

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Five Minute Friday: Let Grace Shine

Good Morning Friday. Five Minute Friday! Fingers itching, coffee steaming. Let’s do this.

Today’s Word is “Graceful”. Ready. Set. GO!

holdinglights21

Graceful

I’ve never felt “Graceful“.
Awkward.
In a crowd. Around people. In my own skin.
My skin was never good enough. That’s how it felt. Sometimes, that’s how it feels.
Awkward.
Still waiting.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel like I simply missed it.
That “graceful” portion of life.
That “graceful” portion I see in photos of friends.

Then my husband tells me I’m graceful. He says it with sincerity.
I don’t believe it, however, his words linger. Just a little.

Could I be?

What really is graceful?
Am I looking to be Graceful from some worldly viewpoint?
Am I looking to be Graceful from the viewpoint of my God?

Graceful.
Giving grace.
Loving with grace.
Am I teaching and showing my son what it means to be “Graceful”?

The awkward feeling strips away.
The crowd. The people.
My skin shows imperfections that I can see beauty in.
Because it’s the skin that was specifically designed and created by the Creator for me.

To hold this body together.
This heart.

It’s time to stop waiting.
Time to allow His grace to fill me, and overflow through me.
Time to truly accept His grace.
Allow it to heal and cover my scars.
To let me loose from this cocoon and be the beautiful butterfly.
According to His standards, His will, His Grace.

TIME.

 

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