Five Minute Friday: Grasping Time

It is Friday. That Means Five Minute Friday. WOOT WOOT. First: The Rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..
OK, are you ready? Please give us your best five minutes on::: Grasp

Ready.Set.GO.

Grasp

Time.
I have difficulty grasping time.
Lay in bed,
thoughts begin.
Childhood. Teenage years. Choices.
Mistakes. Fights.
Trying so hard and feeling like such a failure.

Time.
It never slowed down for me.
Never stopped.
The more time kept going,
the more it seemed I was struggling to grasp.

Why?
Lay in bed, thoughts begin.
Deep sudden inhale of breath.
Stop the thoughts.
Get up. Get out.
Start this day.
My life.
This time.

This is the time that matters.
I move into the kitchen and see this manchild.
His hands used to fit inside of mine.
I used to kiss the bottoms of his feet.
He would see me, and without words, because he could not speak them,
He would run to me.
As fast as little chubby legs could carry him.
Run and grab me, look up at me, smiling.

Does he grasp it?
My love for him?
Will he lay awake in bed,
and find thoughts haunting him?
Will he look back as those early years,
when we were both children together,
mother and son, children together?
Will he have those thoughts he cannot grasp?
Those thoughts he cannot understand?

I look at him now, and again,
I cannot grasp time.
Little feet now bigger than mine.
Little hands now match mine.
Look, there it is,
he ran to the door when I came home after being away all weekend.
He ran into my arms and gave me a hug.
His head bumps against my head,
it hurts us both a little.
He laughs.
Silly man boy.
He forgets he’s grown so much.
Smiles at me, tells me he loves me.
Does he grasp this love I have for him?
This mothers love?
Does he grasp his father’s love for him?
I see this man boy, looking at my husband.
Looking at him to teach him how to be a man.
And my heart quickens at the thought that in time,
he will be a man.

Time.
I simply cannot grasp time.
Some nights I simply find comfort,
falling into the promise of eternity.
And then I realize,
Maybe this is why I don’t need to “grasp” time.
I just need to grasp love.

Grasping Love

STOP.

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