Someday He Will Love You More

A few months ago I read a letter from a mother of a young son to her future daughter-in-law. As I read it, my heart broke. The mother was very clear that her future daughter-in-law would know her place, would never interfere between mother and son, and would always be second to her until the day she passed away.

That letter has randomly picked my thoughts since I read it. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I wanted to write my own letter. So here it is.

Dear Future Daughter-In-Law,

Selfishly, I hope we someday meet. I say selfishly because I want to be a “Grammie” someday. I want to hear the sound of little feet running through the house again. I want to hear giggles and babbling and “Grammie, Grampie, look what I can do!”

That’s only my selfish little reason though. The truth is, I know if my son meets you, falls in love with you, that he will someday love you more. I pray he loves you more. I pray he marries you wanting to provide for you, protect you, and love you with the sacrificial love of Christ. I pray he lifts you up above all other women and provides you Godly wisdom and counsel. I pray he never makes you feel “unworthy”, or “less than” because you are a woman. That instead, he will make you feel like the wonderful creation by God in which you are. A woman. Beautiful. Wonderful. 

I pray in return you will love him more. More than your own parents. More than your friends. More than any children you may have. I pray you will love him with a tender compassionate love. Lifting him above all other men. That you will want to be his helpmate, his partner, his prayer warrior. 

I promise his father and I will continue to do our best to raise him in the way he should go. To teach him compassion and mercy. To teach him his strengths and how to honor God and you with them. To teach him self-control, kindness, patience, and most importantly love. 

I also promise his father and I will continue to learn how to love one another more. To show him God’s design for marriage. Union. Oneness. I pray your parents are doing the same. Teaching you the awe and wonder and beauty of marriage. I pray God’s grace will cover both you and our son for the shortcomings of parents. We will promise to teach him all we can while he is with us, however, we won’t always be perfect. I’m sure he will share stories with you about our imperfections. I pray they are few.

I pray you know the Lord. I pray you know Him and love Him more than my son. I pray my son loves the Lord more than you. I pray the love you both have for our Savior will bind you stronger to one another. Because storms will arise. Pain will come. There will be arguments and hurt feelings and words said you wish you could take back. It happens to us all. Remember, there is forgiveness. We promise to teach him about forgiveness, to teach him to not hold onto grudges, to teach him confession and repentance and reconciliation. We promise to be here for you both. To take no one’s side except for God’s side. To always speak truth to you, pray with you, and share whatever life experience we have with you. Please understand, when we feel you are in error we will honestly and gently and lovingly explain why. Know that we will continue to do the same with our son.

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We will strive to not interfere and respect your decisions if you become parents. If you don’t want your children drinking soda, we promise to not sneak it to them when you aren’t around. We will honor our relationship with you with integrity and trust and love. Our grandchildren will know there are no secrets from mommy or daddy. We will not go out of our way to undermine you or spoil them in ways you disagree with. Although, I selfishly ask you let us spoil them sometimes in ways you approve of, as reward for raising our son. 

Understanding you have parents too, praying that you have parents you are close with and love dearly, we will never expect you to spend every holiday with us. We will ask that we get every other if it’s possible. If distance separates us we promise to not always expect you to come to us. We will come to you as well.  If we all live close enough together we will gladly share holidays as one huge family. We promise to be kind and respectful of your parents. We would enjoy getting to know them and sharing life with them. 

If your parents have already passed on from this life, or if you have pain with them, we promise to be understanding of that. To pray with you about it, to love you, and to welcome you always with open arms. To love you as a daughter. We will never replace your parents and we would never want to, however, we would love to be an addition. We want you to be comfortable enough to call us whenever you have a need. To come and spend evenings of laughter and card games. To take family vacations together. To know you are loved and cherished as our daughter in law. 

We promise to remember your birthday. We promise to help you move when you need to move. To help give you a break by watching the children so you and our son can spend the precious needed time together as husband and wife. I pray the two of you never stop dating. We promise to live out this example for him. 

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I hope you and I can be close friends. Share coffee. Lunches. Trips. Prayers. Studies. Recipes. Dreams. Hopes. Praises. I hope we can enjoy our times together as mother- and daughter-in-law. I hope you never feel threatened by me. I hope you never feel undermined by me. I hope you never feel inferior to me. I promise to never do anything intentional to make you feel that way. I pray our communication with one another will always be open and honest so we can encourage and uplift one another as women. As you and my son create your own family traditions, I hope we can be apart of them as well. We hope you will always be a part of ours. 

I pray the Lord is watching over you right now. Protecting you. Loving you. You may be a young girl. A woman-child. If so, these next few years are hard ones. I remember. We are watching our son go through them. We promise to help him as best we can to navigate these rough waters so he comes out the other side not weighed down by past mistakes. I pray you have someone in your life right now who is doing the same for you. Someone you can come home to and cry on their shoulder when you’ve had a bad day. I pray you have a warm home, a safe place, and that you are learning Jesus is always a safe resting place. I pray you laugh often. I pray you look in the mirror and see the beauty the Lord gave you. That the pressures of the world’s beauty do not hurt you. I pray if these next few years are hard for you, that you will come to know His Grace. I pray if you make some mistakes, you will not lose hope. That no matter what, you are never alone, for you know He is always with you and I pray that He sends His people to always be with you too. 

I don’t know when we’ll meet you. I pray someday we meet you. I pray long healthy happy lives for both you and our son. I pray we come to know you. I pray we watch your father give you away on your wedding day. I pray we sit, probably bawling our eyes out from happiness, watching the look of awe, wonder, and love in our son’s eyes as he takes your hand to be his wife. 

So, until I meet you, whoever or where-ever you may be, I will pray for you. I will pray for you after I meet you. We promise, his father and I, to always pray for you both for as long as we are here. To love you both. To help you both in whatever ways we can. Because someday, he’ll love you more. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. That is what will bring the most joy to this mother’s heart, is for my son to love you more. 

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In Love & Faith,
RaZella

This post is linked up at OnlyABreath, click button image to join in Friday Favorites

Stop and Remember, He Gave Us Each Other

Today I attended my son’s “Winter Concert” at school.
He’s in the 6th grade.

His once tiny hands are now bigger than mine.
I am in awe at how his thumb completely hides my own.
He stands on the verge of having to look downward,
to be able to look into my eyes.

I look at the wall to my left,
Where pictures hang of a smiling toddler,
and tears sting my eyes.

On the way home from the concert,
troubling thoughts plagued my mind.

Of all the concerts I missed.
For the years I was a single mother,
choosing $7.00 an hour at work over concerts
full of children off pitch and forgetting their parts.

Remembering times I was so exhausted and didn’t want to “play” trains with him,
Of all the times I was struggling with my own demons,
trying to be a parent.

And maybe all mom’s feel that way.
They look back over their shoulder,
and they think,
“I could have done so much better.
If I only knew then what I know now.”

More plaguing thoughts,
The painful ones.
The ones of mistakes. Choices.
Things that I did that directly impacted his life.
Marriage. Divorce. Moving to different part of the country.
Running. Always Running from that Pain,
that Pain so deep inside, I missed how it had become a part of me.

My heart aches.
My stomach aches.
There is a Gripping inside me so tight I can barely breath.
Tears run down my face..

Anger. Regret. Sorrow. Pain.
I’m not even sure.

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother…(from Genesis 2:24)

Before my son was born, his destiny was to grow up.
Part of God’s plan for his life,
to go from baby to toddler,
from toddler to child,
from child to man-boy,
From man-boy to man.

God, (I think) out of His Love and Mercy,
simply allowed me to be a part of that plan.

To love this child, hold this child, and do my best to raise this child.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. ~Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)

I haven’t always done the best job.
Truthfully, there have been moments where I have done
an absolutely horrific job of it.

God Is Sovereign. 

It took me 28 years,
and a horrific storm of hurt,
to finally grasp just the outer edges of that sentence.
To finally grasp it,
and give up that pain.

Because that sentence holds so much.
So Very Much.

God is Sovereign.
In his sovereignty he gave me this child.
And He didn’t stop there.

He gave me a husband.
One who holds me when I cry,
who lets my mother’s heart ache rest on his shoulder,
and then reminds me,
of who I am,
guiding me to truth instead of allowing me
to sit in the guilt, shame driven shadow of who I was.

He gave me a step-daughter.
Whom is also a friend.
Who I love doing girly things with.
Who I love cooking with and hanging out with.

And you see,
in God’s Sovereignty,
He gave myself to my husband,
my husband to myself,
During a pivotal moment in our journey of “parenthood”.
A time when a daughter is a young woman,
and only months away from “adult”.
A time when a son is no longer a little boy,
and every day grows taller and less “child-like”,
God in His Sovereignty,
Gave us Each Other.

Sometimes when we don’t agree on how to “parent.”
Sometimes when we are hurting in this long process of
accepting “Mom and Dad” over “Mommy and Daddy”,
we argue, we lash out at each other,
we forget to just stop,
and seek out our Lord,
and ask for His comfort, His Guidance, His Wisdom,
and His reminder,
That he gave us Each Other.

As the tears dry,
and I train my thoughts to stop looking behind me,
to stop looking at “what ifs”,
and instead to look at
God’s Sovereignty.

His Unbelievable Blessings,
His plan and His will over my own unreliable emotions,
I can accept His peace.

I can look at all He has Given me.
And allow peace and appreciation to fill my heart.

I went to my son’s 6th grade concert today.
And I am so thankful I got to go.
So Thankful I got to watch and video it.
So thankful I got to come home and hug my husband.
So thankful for Jesus,
whom I can cry too,
and who can give me such peace and comfort,
and hope,
and joy.
So thankful for the responsibility and privilege  my husband and I have
of “training up this child”.

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In Love & Faith,
RaZella

Learning to Look Past the Stupid Stuff

I discovered today, for some unknown reason to me, my Spam filter decided that email’s from Lisa-Jo (to notify of her latest blog posts) were “Spam”. ACK!

Now that we have that cleared up, I hope to more consistently join in Five Minute Fridays again!


5-minute-friday-11. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. That is like the one rule we all really care about. For reals.

 

 

Ok….This Week’s Word: Cherished

GO

Stupid Stuff

G2 Gel pens,
of different colors,
pink, purple, & forest green.

Empty notebooks,
hard covers,
college ruled pages waiting to be filled.

Yarn,
lots of yarn,
of different colors, textures, sizes.

Tis just a tiny bit,
of the stupid stuff
I Cherish.

Then the Lord peels back
my eyes,
and lifts my face from the trivial,
and what I see
is incredible.

A man who took a vow,
to love, to cherish,
ME.

A son who is learning to be a man,
yet still slows down enough to sometimes cherish,
ME.

A God, who humbled Himself to become a man,
who loved me enough,
while even knowing I would at times,
Cherish colored pens over quiet time with Him,
still CHERISHED ME enough,
to die.

Oh how the stupid stuff tries to distract me.
Tries to take a place in my heart that does not belong to it.
And don’t misunderstand my conviction,
there is a place for pens, notebooks, and yarn.
For creativity, and enjoyment of creating,
because that’s how our Father created us,
with a desire to create.

Cherish.
There is not a place to Cherish the stupid stuff.

Not when there is only so much time.

So precious little time that is here today,
and gone tomorrow.

Precious little time with our children.
To love. To teach. To encourage.
To discipline out of a desire to lead them to Christ.

Precious little time with our spouse,
to serve them, honor them,
submit to them as their helpmate,
a unity designed by our Father God.

Precious little time to spend with Jesus,
our Father, our Redeemer, His Holy Spirit.
To Love Him.

Cherish Him.

Oh how I need to be weary of what I cherish,
hold it against His standard.
It’s time to live a life that goes beyond the stupid stuff.

A life that instead Cherishes
People & Relationships.

A life that Cherishes the one
who cherished me on a cross.

STOP

Ouch. Unexpected.
Ouch Ouch Ouch.
And Joy.
Joy for the ouch.
May the “ouch” lead to growth. Growth to cherish People & Relationships and Father, Son, and Holy Spirit over all else.

Cherished. Cherish. Not remaining trapped in the sins of my past, moving into my present with a transformed heart.

What a word. And speaking of words, how does a Redeemed life cherish?

A thought to ponder today. A challenge to cherish my family today. A challenge to cherish my Savior today.

In Love & Faith,
RaZella